Wednesday, September 11, 2013

When Disneyland gets a taste of Awkward

Once upon a time in a land that, depending on where you are, might not be so far away, there was this little bit of childhood heaven in the middle of Anaheim, California called Disneyland. I was three and a half years old and super excited to go Mickey Mouse in the flesh... or fake fur. My little family, my dad's side of the family, and some of my mom's side were all going and the best part was that we were driving the ten hour drive piled in our van. Exciting I know right.

It was a dream come true. I got to meet all my favorite characters including the Peter Pan characters. When I was little my parents would have to wash my face pretty much every ten minutes. They finally figured out that whenever I got excited I would tense up and my hands would ball into fists squishing against my cheeks. With all the dirt on my hands from playing, dirt marks would form on  my cheeks from where my fists touched. So you can imagine how I would be at Disneyland. For example, I was so so so excited to meet Smee that in the picture it looks like I am about to take someone out-
You see?

Gotta love the fanny packs. That's me in the middle, my sister on the right, and my cousin on the left. After we met them we went on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride (of course). It was like I had been transported back in time to the land of swash buckling rouges and huge boats... I mean ships with cannons on them. I couldn't believe my eyes. The ride automatically became my favorite ride in the whole park. 

After Adventureland we went to Fantasyland. And there it was the man... er... mouse himself's house. I was going to meet Mickey Mouse (You can bet your bottom dollar that my fists were squishing my face more than ever). Back then you had to stand in a line outside his house and then when it was clear enough you could go in and meet Mickey. We were at the front of the line right under the overhead cover of the porch. Right above my head was a bird's nest and next thing I know the bird decides that it needed to take a dump and my head looked like the perfect spot... it was gross to say the least. The poor employee, who was just a young guy, had no clue what to do. Everyone was just standing there looking at me in shock while this bird poop became crusty on my head. Finally my aunt pulled out some baby wipes, and her and my mom stood there scrubbing my head to get all of it off while everyone else got to meet Mickey. I was the last to meet him and I was in tears because of how hard they had to scrub my head.

The rest of the trip was pretty normal from what I remember, and the ride home was scored by me singing at the top of my lungs "Yo Ho! Yo Ho! A pirate's life for me.... Yo Ho! Yo Ho! A pirate's life for me!"

And the lived awkwardly ever after. The End.

Thursday, August 29, 2013

Falling NOT in Love

Now that you've heard/read one of my awkward stories, I'm going to show you how my awkwardness luck also goes into my dating life. Over the summer I worked at a girls camp (that's why my nick name is Dot), and once every summer they host a date night for all the staff members. Since all the guys I know are gone for 2 years I had no one to go with. Sad day I know. So in hopes that by the off chance that I would get a date I posted on Facebook asking for a date. Thankfully I got a reply and a date for date night. So how is this awkward you ask. Well...

The day of the date came and my awkward senses were tingling. My friend and her date picked me up and then headed to pick up my date, Boots (for privacy purposes I am giving him a nick name). The door to Boots house is one of those with the glass door and a normal door and the normal door was left open. I knew that the date was going to be bad as soon as I biffed it up the stairs and him and his family watched the whole thing.

For the ride to camp Boots didn't really talk to me so I just talked to my friend and her date. Deciding that I needed to try and salvage this date, I started talking about the show Monk.
"Have you seen the show Monk?"
"Yeah a few episodes."
"Well I watched it for the first time in a while and I forgot how funny it is."
"Isn't it funny how some people can think a show is so hilarious but other people don't find it funny at all."
"Huh... Yeah..."
"I only like old western comedies."
Well so much for that conversation.
MUSIC! everybody likes music right?
"Ooo I love this song!"
"Yeah I don't really care for music. I actually find it annoying. I only like really old country music and some 40's rock."
We finally get to camp. Now I had been working at this camp for 6 weeks and I have visited the camp many times over the past two years. But that didn't help with my clumsiness. Somehow, my foot found every rock, root, twig, and all the other trip traps. I was tripping every other step on this date where my date wouldn't even talk to me great...

So I am used to being up there with 12 year old girls who will tell you everything including if they need to use the bathroom. Poor Boots was sitting at our table, his face bright red, looking really uncomfortable.
"Are you okay?"
"Actually where is the bathroom?"
The poor kid had apparently needed to go to the bathroom ever since we left his house.

After we ate (and he used the bathroom) we went to go on the zipline. As a staff member, I had to be the one to help him and other dates put on harnesses and hook them to the zipline. Needless to say why that was awkward (if you don't know why then Google what harnesses look like). The whole time, through this process, I just kept saying to him "Don't feel violated. Don't feel violated." The rest of the date we awkwardly sat around a camp fire with the other couples with him telling me all about these yodeling YouTube videos and saying how he actually hates music. During the ride home I continued trying to make awkward conversation. The last thing he said to me was.
"I don't really mind silences and not talking. In fact I prefer it."

The end.

Quite a catch huh :-)

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

The day I mooned Rue 21

Ever since I was little my life has been awkward. I can honestly say that I have had my fair share of Donald Duck/ Goofy moments. In fact I've been given a very generous serving of awkwardness. From embarrassing moments to awkward boys, you could say my life was pretty entertaining. To start off the awkwardness, I will tell you about the time I pants-ed/ skirts-ed myself in a store... Ha can't you just imagine and old person saying that while sitting in a rocking chair with a glass of lemonade?

Now picture this- It's a cold march evening and I am dressed in a tri-ruffled skirt that goes to the top of my knees with sheer black tights and black high-heeled boots on my way to a wedding open house. Now you know how there is always that one family who has a ton of kids and is just a little quirky? Well it was That family's daughter's wedding. Before I get to the main part of the story I want to show you how the awkwardness just kind of builds up all on it's own... sorta. We get to the church and get in the line to tell the couple congratulations and exchange the "Hey I barely know you but I am going to give you a you are my best friend in the whole wide world hug and maybe a thumbs up." You know the line you have to go through before you can get to the dessert table.  First we congratulate the bride and then go onto the groom. I shake his hand and tell him the normal exchange and start to let go of his hand, but he holds on tighter. He stares at me for a minute or two then says
"Do I know you?"
"Uh nope. Never seen you in my life."
"No I know you. I wouldn't forget a face like yours."
"Yeah I must have common face."
I wiggle my fingers out of his hand and quickly move out of the way of the next person.

After we finally got the dessert, we left and headed straight for Rue 21 to go look at the jewelry that was on sale. Now I'm not much of a jewelry girl I'm more of a shoes kind of girl. My parents were over by the wall of necklaces and I was by all the beautiful boots, and I had my eye on a certain pair since we walked into the store. Unfortunately, they were on the bottom shelf. My shirt was modest but bending over might show a little too much and I didn't want to give someone a peep show (GROSS!). So I decided to be a lady and squat down to pick them up. I slowly and carefully lower myself down and successfully pick up the shoes but was disappointed to see that they were way to big for me. Angrily I go to stand up. One thing that you will learn about me is how clumsy I "secretly" am. As I stand up, I lose my balance and step back so I won't completely fall back on my butt. Thinking I am safe I stand up the rest of the way. But my skirt slid down past my thighs, in the middle of the store! I slide it back into position but my right foot comes up with it. Not noticing what was going on, I start a war between pulling my skirt up and putting my foot down while trying not to flash the peanut gallery again. Finally, a nice lady comes over and helps me unhook my shoe from my skirt; only to reveal a huge hole on the back of my skirt. For the rest of the night I had to have my skirt on sideways just so my butt wasn't shown to the rest of the world while we were out.