Thursday, August 29, 2013

Falling NOT in Love

Now that you've heard/read one of my awkward stories, I'm going to show you how my awkwardness luck also goes into my dating life. Over the summer I worked at a girls camp (that's why my nick name is Dot), and once every summer they host a date night for all the staff members. Since all the guys I know are gone for 2 years I had no one to go with. Sad day I know. So in hopes that by the off chance that I would get a date I posted on Facebook asking for a date. Thankfully I got a reply and a date for date night. So how is this awkward you ask. Well...

The day of the date came and my awkward senses were tingling. My friend and her date picked me up and then headed to pick up my date, Boots (for privacy purposes I am giving him a nick name). The door to Boots house is one of those with the glass door and a normal door and the normal door was left open. I knew that the date was going to be bad as soon as I biffed it up the stairs and him and his family watched the whole thing.

For the ride to camp Boots didn't really talk to me so I just talked to my friend and her date. Deciding that I needed to try and salvage this date, I started talking about the show Monk.
"Have you seen the show Monk?"
"Yeah a few episodes."
"Well I watched it for the first time in a while and I forgot how funny it is."
"Isn't it funny how some people can think a show is so hilarious but other people don't find it funny at all."
"Huh... Yeah..."
"I only like old western comedies."
Well so much for that conversation.
MUSIC! everybody likes music right?
"Ooo I love this song!"
"Yeah I don't really care for music. I actually find it annoying. I only like really old country music and some 40's rock."
We finally get to camp. Now I had been working at this camp for 6 weeks and I have visited the camp many times over the past two years. But that didn't help with my clumsiness. Somehow, my foot found every rock, root, twig, and all the other trip traps. I was tripping every other step on this date where my date wouldn't even talk to me great...

So I am used to being up there with 12 year old girls who will tell you everything including if they need to use the bathroom. Poor Boots was sitting at our table, his face bright red, looking really uncomfortable.
"Are you okay?"
"Actually where is the bathroom?"
The poor kid had apparently needed to go to the bathroom ever since we left his house.

After we ate (and he used the bathroom) we went to go on the zipline. As a staff member, I had to be the one to help him and other dates put on harnesses and hook them to the zipline. Needless to say why that was awkward (if you don't know why then Google what harnesses look like). The whole time, through this process, I just kept saying to him "Don't feel violated. Don't feel violated." The rest of the date we awkwardly sat around a camp fire with the other couples with him telling me all about these yodeling YouTube videos and saying how he actually hates music. During the ride home I continued trying to make awkward conversation. The last thing he said to me was.
"I don't really mind silences and not talking. In fact I prefer it."

The end.

Quite a catch huh :-)

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

The day I mooned Rue 21

Ever since I was little my life has been awkward. I can honestly say that I have had my fair share of Donald Duck/ Goofy moments. In fact I've been given a very generous serving of awkwardness. From embarrassing moments to awkward boys, you could say my life was pretty entertaining. To start off the awkwardness, I will tell you about the time I pants-ed/ skirts-ed myself in a store... Ha can't you just imagine and old person saying that while sitting in a rocking chair with a glass of lemonade?

Now picture this- It's a cold march evening and I am dressed in a tri-ruffled skirt that goes to the top of my knees with sheer black tights and black high-heeled boots on my way to a wedding open house. Now you know how there is always that one family who has a ton of kids and is just a little quirky? Well it was That family's daughter's wedding. Before I get to the main part of the story I want to show you how the awkwardness just kind of builds up all on it's own... sorta. We get to the church and get in the line to tell the couple congratulations and exchange the "Hey I barely know you but I am going to give you a you are my best friend in the whole wide world hug and maybe a thumbs up." You know the line you have to go through before you can get to the dessert table.  First we congratulate the bride and then go onto the groom. I shake his hand and tell him the normal exchange and start to let go of his hand, but he holds on tighter. He stares at me for a minute or two then says
"Do I know you?"
"Uh nope. Never seen you in my life."
"No I know you. I wouldn't forget a face like yours."
"Yeah I must have common face."
I wiggle my fingers out of his hand and quickly move out of the way of the next person.

After we finally got the dessert, we left and headed straight for Rue 21 to go look at the jewelry that was on sale. Now I'm not much of a jewelry girl I'm more of a shoes kind of girl. My parents were over by the wall of necklaces and I was by all the beautiful boots, and I had my eye on a certain pair since we walked into the store. Unfortunately, they were on the bottom shelf. My shirt was modest but bending over might show a little too much and I didn't want to give someone a peep show (GROSS!). So I decided to be a lady and squat down to pick them up. I slowly and carefully lower myself down and successfully pick up the shoes but was disappointed to see that they were way to big for me. Angrily I go to stand up. One thing that you will learn about me is how clumsy I "secretly" am. As I stand up, I lose my balance and step back so I won't completely fall back on my butt. Thinking I am safe I stand up the rest of the way. But my skirt slid down past my thighs, in the middle of the store! I slide it back into position but my right foot comes up with it. Not noticing what was going on, I start a war between pulling my skirt up and putting my foot down while trying not to flash the peanut gallery again. Finally, a nice lady comes over and helps me unhook my shoe from my skirt; only to reveal a huge hole on the back of my skirt. For the rest of the night I had to have my skirt on sideways just so my butt wasn't shown to the rest of the world while we were out.